Forgive and forget. So easily uttered. So difficult to practice.

In any situation really. But in marriage? Hmmm. Na wa oh.

Nii and Akweley have been married for a while. I'm not good at counting or arithmetic, so I'm not sure how many years they have been handcuffed to each other. Suffice it to say that they have not been married quite long enough for familiarity to breed contempt. But there's hope....

Nii has recently been promoted, but he is feeling the effects of his increased responsibilities. He's tired all the time, gets home late more frequently, and is now more prone to silly arguments with his darling wife Akweley. You might want to conclude that Nii works in a bank in Accra, and you might be right.

Akweley works in a small real estate agency, also in Accra. The owner of the agency is feeling the heat, post-pandemic, and he is pushing his staff to sell, sell, sell, non-stop. Akweley is one of the better sales people, but even she is beginning to wonder whether the real estate market will ever pick up again.

One night they are invited to the 40th birthday celebration of a good friend. Nii and Akweley are both looking forward to the party, well, because it's Saturday night, and a chance to let their hair down (Akweley has locs, and Nii is balding). It has been a difficult week for both of them, and they are ready to get down and party.

And party they do! But....party means different things for different people. And soon Nii has lost his balding head. You might assume that Nii has had one too many drinks (or maybe three too many), and you would be right. Nii is in the act of embarassing Akweley.

He has danced with every woman, if you can call his unsteady and unsightly frenetic movements dancing. Not only has he forced all the women to dance with him, but he has flirted shamelessly with them. In fact, he has even planted kisses on the lips of a couple of these women. Fortunately, or unfortunately, they were friends. They laughed mirthlessly, and their husbands looked like they were preparing to commit a new brand of homicide. Nii is living on borrowed time.

At one point Nii goes inside the house to use the washroom. Excessive drinking will do that to you. When he comes back outside, he is wearing a lampshade on his head. He thinks it is the funniest thing that has ever happened to him, or anyone else for that matter, wearing a lampshade and pretending it was a bishop's mitre. To top it all off finally, Nii falls backwards onto a couch, and scares everyone into thinking he has fainted....until he begins to snore loudly.

Akweley is mortified. Humiliation does not describe her state of mind adequately. How could Nii do this to her??

Finally some very good friends help her to wake Nii up from his drunken slumber, walk (if you can call Nii's stiff-legged contortions a walk) him to their car, and Akweley drives them home. She will never know how she managed to get him out of the car, into the house, and into bed, still fully dressed, snoring sonorously, and stinking of booze. Neither will she know how he didn't piss in their marital bed.

The following morning, a Sunday, Nii wakes up with the mother of all headaches, a bloated stomach, a gargantuan bladder, dirty ripped clothes, and the fear of the Lord in his eyes. Or at least the fear of Akweley. The house is empty because Akweley has gone to church, and this increases Nii's fear. What is he going to say about the night before??

But....Akweley is a compassionate woman, and Nii throws himself at her mercy when she returns from church. She accepts his remorse, his apologies, his oaths never to repeat his behaviour, and his offer to never let his mother visit them again (that has nothing to do with the night before, but Akweley managed to sneak it in to her demands). Akweley promises to forgive and forget the whole incident.

However, things don't go according to plan. Akweley keeps bringing up the incident, and how compassionate she was in handling it. Whenever Nii does something even slightly 'wrong', Akweley mentions 'certain people and the way they embarrass their wife when they go out'. And how some people had hidden desires towards several of their female friends 'all this time'.

Eventually, a few months later, a very discouraged Nii says, "I thought you said you would forgive and forget the whole incident". And Akweley delivers the immortal line: "I have indeed, but I just didn't want you to forget that I have forgiven and forgotten."

Well. The Lord Himself says He has wiped the slate clean for each of us, so we can start anew. Akweley obviously knows better than the Lord. But, really, is that not how many of us forgive? With a qualification of sorts? Truly, forgiveness is a process, but at least the process has to start somewhere. Forgetting would be a good place to start.

As difficult as it may seem, let's try to start to forgive all the Niis of this world, especially ourselves, and let's try hard not to be Akweley when it comes to forgiveness. We can be Akweley when it comes to putting Nii to bed in his drunken stupor. But let's not be Akweley when it comes to bookmarking faults and never forgetting.

Oh, and maybe we can try not to be Nii when it comes to Saturday night partying. Let's leave all lampshades to do their job, and not become part of our attire. Although....I've never actually placed a lampshade on my balding head. Sounds like fun. But then I can say that....because I don't know any Akweleys.

(Copyright: RamiTalks 2022)